How This Works

I love you Ryne!
posted by Erika on 1/31/08 11:21: AM

I wanted to share with Melissa who posted earlier: I understand the "guilt" feeling. I can't even count the nights I have cried myself to sleep going over these things in my head. I just wanted to let you know that others feel the same way you do, and to give you a "pat on the back" for everything you've done as a mom so far! Hang in there!!
posted by Megan on 1/31/08 9:50: AM

My son in 2 and a half years old and I am concerned he has Asperger's. He is getting speech services now which have helped, but I am wondering about early signs you noticed...I am just looking for more information. Your video was emotionally difficult to watch thinking about my own son, but thank you for sharing it!
posted by Kim on 1/31/08 9:46: AM

I tried posting this a few minutes ago, but it doesn't seem to have appeared. I've made a few changes to my original, but this may be a double-post if there's some kind of delay. Since almost everyone who has commented so far has a child with Asperger's, I felt I should post, since I'm an adult with (I suspect) Asperger's. As you might guess from that last sentence, I've never been diagnosed, and my symptoms are most certainly mild compared to many. It was only as an adult that I found out that there was actually a name to describe my particular brand of nerdiness. :) As a child, like so many others with Asperger's, I was labelled as "gifted". Others didn't see, however, that that applied only in certain areas and not at all in others. So they expected me to be able to learn everything easily, which wasn't always the case. Adding to that, I had undiagnosed ADD, so even assignments I enjoyed didn't always get done, never mind the ones that I didn't. I also have various sensory difficulties commonly associated with Asperger's/Autism. While nails on a chalkboard don't bother me in the slightest, the sound of two pieces of felt being rubbed together will send shivers down my spine, much like the chalkboard does to many, as will any number of other sounds; I can't abide the touch of almost any fabric other than cotton or cotton-poly blends; and sometimes, albeit very rarely, some exceedingly colourful, contrasty images will produce a similar sensation. And, of course, there's the structure. As a rule, I eat the same thing every day for breakfast and lunch, only varying dinner, unless I'm out of my regular foods. It's not a big deal for me when I'm forced to vary, but I will naturally tend to fall into a routine, and prefer that it stay that way. There are a number of similar, sometimes completely silly idiosyncrasies in my life, varying from the direction the toilet paper unrolls from to where certain dishes go in the dishwasher, and so on and so forth. "It's just the way it's supposed to be done!" :) On the social side, yes, I was bullied as a child. Much of my social problems went away as I got older, but I still occasionally say things out of place and don't realize it until people react oddly; I laugh at things others don't see the humour in; I sometimes have difficulty expressing myself around emotional issues; and furthering that, to be perfectly candid, my partner tells me I have no sense of seduction whatsoever...we both know what we're leading to, why not just get straight to the point? (Okay, lots of men have that problem, but considering that my partner IS a man, that should give you an idea of just how bad the deficit is. <grin>) Anyway, I just wanted to post and say that while there will certainly be challenges along the way, you and/or your children can certainly adapt to them, even moreso if you understand what and why they are and do your best to work with them, rather than against them.
posted by Robert Morley on 1/31/08 9:31: AM

Thank You,I started testing on our 12 year old son today, 1/30/08. I can do this. I am having trouble with the guilt tho. He is such a great kid, I have just been so frustrated.
posted by Melissa on 1/31/08 1:00: AM

I just have to say a huge” Thank You” to everyone who has taken the time to watch our video, send me emails and post messages here. Each and every one of you is making this world a better place for our children. Words cannot express how grateful we are. When I made this video I was not sure if people would receive it well because it comes from a different viewpoint than a lot of the videos here. But, it came from my heart and I needed to express it that way. Ryne was 7 when he was diagnosed. I was relieved to know so that we could move forward in the right direction. I was also full of guilt for all those years I did not know and did not deal with him like I should have. Hence the song choice. But, over the past four years I have learned so much and have seen Ryne come so far. He still has a long road ahead of him and I know that I have to stay focused and strong for him. Your kind words and support are fuel for me to do that! Thank you again, Michele Heidi B – Your message touched my heart! There came a point during Ryne’s diagnosis process where I realized that I had to stand up for him and be his voice. Scared me to death! This was NOT in my comfort zone. But, in the process I actually found my own voice as well as his. As you enter into this journey and embrace it, you will start to see wonderful changes in your son as well as yourself. God bless you both! Christine & Mike- Thank you for the book suggestions. I can never be too informed on this subject! Mike – Yes, he is named after Mr. Sandberg – good eye! My husband is a loyal Cubs fan, bless his heart. We loved your message – too funny! Although (and this should come as no surprise) Ryne would rather play baseball on the Wii than the real game.
posted by Michele - Ryne's Mom on 1/30/08 7:42: PM

Thank you for the video. My 7 year old son has Asperger's and everything in your video is what i feel everyday. It very comforting to know that others are out there struggling with the same issues and emotions. B/c sometimes it feels like your all alone and no one seems to understand. God Bless you and your family.
posted by Jennifer Martin on 1/30/08 6:18: PM

As a single mother of a 9 year old diagnosed with "ADHD" and with "Sensory Defensiveness"(which I believe is wholly inaccurate and seems more like Apsergers or something in that realm) your video touched me and opened my eyes a little more. You have inspired me to actually be his mother. He currently lives with my parents, as I was unable to cope with his "spirited-ness" but this has been a major catylist to turn that around and work my ass off to acutally be his mother. Every time things get hard, I will think of your video and the others on this site. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for helping me see just what needs to be done to make sure my son grows up understanding the world a little bit better.
posted by Heidi B on 1/30/08 3:36: PM

Wow. Thank you.
posted by Marc on 1/30/08 2:46: PM

What a beautiful and touching video. My 8 year old son has Asperger's. I fully understand how frusterating it can be and how patience can be difficult. It's nice to know we are not alone with our struggle.
posted by Ginger on 1/30/08 1:17: PM

I have an 11yr old son with Aspergers. We are so lucky to have a program within our local school system that is a Talented and Gifted (TAG) Program. I urge all parents with Aspergers kids to look for a like program where you live-it has changed my sons life. He is in class with other children who learn like he does-gifted/Aspergers/etc. The other kids tend to be emotionally young for their age and use the right kind of peer pressure to help my son make age appropriate behavior (well a majority of the time!) It has been a godsend, he has made friends and is learning to succeed. It has been a long haul with lots of "looks" from those parents with "normal" kids--but the past two years have been wonderful for my family. These special kids were given to us by God for a reason, I think to make us better parents and people. Our kids will change the world! Thank you for the very special video.
posted by Theresa Galante on 1/30/08 9:53: AM

That was a great video. As an educator I have had the opportunity to work with students at varying levels of the autistic spectrum. You are lucky because today we are all BECOMING more educated on these issues. Two books I have recently read have given me great insight into these issues (Born on a Blue Day and Look Me In The Eyes). The only issue that I can see with Ryne in the future is that it looks like he might be a Cubs fan (based on some of the photos). And like most Cubs fans he will lead a life of disappointment...waiting and hoping for that day they win the World Series!! :) Although, Kudos on the name if you named him after Ryne Sandberg!! Signed...A Cardinals Fan!!
posted by Mike on 1/30/08 7:25: AM

That was a beautiful slideshow and the song seemed very fitting too. It made me cry, because you know I do understand the frustration and heartache but also the immense love and pride in a child we pray is accepted and loved for being who they are...beautiful and wonderful human beings. It no longer seems too much to ask. Now that I know about Ryne, I will think of you guys often. Although my situation isn't exactly the same, I think a lot of the feelings and struggles are, so please know that I am here for you. With love, Sue
posted by Sue Miiller on 1/30/08 6:51: AM

That was beautiful, You've inspired me as a mother. God Bless You, Ryne & family all who have Autism/Asperger's.
posted by Denise on 1/29/08 8:40: PM

Michelle, This is beautiful. Knowing Ryne and seeing your video was incredible. I will send this to my coworkers who will be as touched as I am. Love to all. C.
posted by caryl on 1/29/08 8:01: PM

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KNOWING THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE IN THE WORLD, AND I AM NOT ALONE IN MY STURGGLES EVERYDAY, THAT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS OR EVEN SEEMS TO KNOW I GO THRU. IVE ALWAYS KNOWN HE IS DIFFERENT MY 6 YEAR OLD SON, AND I FINALLY HAVE FOR NOT TOO LONG REALIZED THAT THIS IS WHAT IT IS. I PROTECT HIM AND DONT LIKE PEOPLE TO SCREAM AT HIM, BECAUSE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND HIS WORLD IS DIFFERENT AND THAT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE, SO I HAVE TO OVERPROTECT HIM AND HOPE THAT MY JOURNEY IN LIFE WILL BE TO ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF HIM AND PROTECT HIM FROM THE BULLIES AND THE MEAN PEOPLE THAT THERE ARE IN THIS WORLD, THAT DONT UNDERSTAND AND HAVE NO IDEA, TILL SOMETHING LIKE THIS TOUCHES HOME. ALTHOUGH HE IS A GIFT FROM GOD, AND ALL I ASK IS FOR PATIENCE IN LIFE AND JUST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. THANKS FOR POSTING THIS BEAUTIFUL VIDEO. ROXY
posted by ROXANA LEVY on 1/29/08 12:13: PM

Michele that is an awesome video.You and Tom are great people and not only that you folks are great parents.That is great that you can share this with people that have children with Asperger's Syndrome.
posted by Buji Lacy on 1/29/08 9:37: AM

Thank you for your beautiful video. I just found this website this morning and yours is the first video I watched. I too have an 11-year-old boy who has been surrounded by a lot of speculation as to wether or not he has Aspergers. It doesn't matter. What matters is how he is treated by his family and by the world. I appreciate your honesty and the depth of your feeling is well-conveyed in your message. I just arrived home from a week-long conference where I learned that the things you ask for in that video are possible, and they begin right here at home. It is called the Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser. I probably can't post websites here but I urge you to check this out. It is changing and evolving and there are new books that just came out last week. I am not near as concerned about my son's future as I once was. Thank you for touching my heart with this video - it is a testament to your profound love for your son.
posted by Christine on 1/29/08 8:14: AM

I, too, felt as if this could have been written by me. It is reassuring to know that another parent feels exactly as I do. My motto is "Asperger's" is an explanation for my son, not an excuse." They are born this way just as a Down's Syndrome child is born with Down's. Down's is visible so it is deemed mean to treat them poorly. Why is it okay in our society to treat Asperger children poorly? Just because they LOOK like they should know how to act socially. I tell my son almost daily that, unfortunately, he is the one who has to make changes and learn how to fit in even though he thinks everyone else should change for him. Thank you for your sharing your story! Peace and blessings.
posted by Kelli Zawacki on 1/29/08 6:25: AM

We have a 3 year old named Nikolas who has been diagnosed as high functioning autistic. He is complete and utter joy and I pray for a world where others will see him as we do, and that some day autism and aspergers are just words from the past.
posted by karen ury on 1/29/08 5:50: AM